Bath is done, the book is read, and then it starts: one more drink, one more question, one more trip down the stairs. Bedtime battles wear parents out because they come at the end of the day, when you have the least left.
Children resist bedtime for good reasons. They do not want the day, or you, to end. Some are overtired and feel wired. A calm, predictable script helps more than a firmer voice.
What to say: 7 bedtime scripts
- "Bedtime is in ten minutes. Which book do you want?" Why it works: a heads-up plus a choice makes the change feel less sudden.
- "Bath, pyjamas, teeth, book, lights out. What comes next?" Why it works: when your child says the next step, the routine is in charge, not you.
- "You don't want today to end. It was a fun day." Why it works: the protest is often about missing you or the fun. Naming it softens it.
- "It's time to rest your body. You don't have to fall asleep yet." Why it works: nobody can make themselves sleep, but resting is something your child can say yes to.
- "I'll come back and check on you in five minutes." Why it works: a check-in you promise, and keep, eases the worry behind the calling out.
- "Tell me at breakfast. I want to hear it." Why it works: it closes the stalling questions kindly, without a debate.
- "Back to bed. I love you. Goodnight." Why it works: for the fifth trip out of bed. The same calm words each time make getting up boring.
What to avoid
- "If you get up one more time, no TV tomorrow." Why to skip it: threats at bedtime wake the body up, the opposite of what you want.
- "Go to sleep. Now." Why to skip it: you cannot order sleep, and it turns bed into a battle.
- A new chat every time they come out. Why to skip it: your attention makes getting up worth it.
- "One more show to calm down." Why to skip it: a show usually makes the next step harder, not easier.
- Changing the rules at 9pm. Why to skip it: if the rules move when your child pushes hard enough, they learn to push harder.
A calm 3-step plan
- Same steps, same order. Keep a short routine, like bath, pyjamas, teeth, book, lights out, in the same order every night.
- Warn and offer choices. Give a ten-minute warning, then small choices: which pyjamas, which book. Choices before lights out mean fewer fights after.
- Make getting up boring. If your child gets up, walk them back with the same short line every time. Little talk, no new games.
Questions parents ask
Why does my child fight bedtime when they are clearly tired?
Overtired children often seem wired rather than sleepy. Bedtime also means saying goodnight to you and to the fun of the day. A slightly earlier, predictable routine and a few minutes of one-on-one time before lights out often help.
How many times should I walk my child back to bed?
As many times as it takes, the same way each time: calm, quick and a little boring. Many parents find the number of trips drops after a few nights of doing it the same way.
When should I talk to a doctor about my child's sleep?
If your child snores loudly, seems to stop breathing in their sleep, is very sleepy during the day, or sleep troubles last for weeks and wear the whole family down, check in with your child's doctor.
Tonight, and the nights after
One calm bedtime is a good start. Ten in a row is what changes things. Better Parent Everyday has a short Learn lesson on bedtime you can do in three minutes, and Solve tells you what to say when bedtime is falling apart right now. Try the bedtime lesson free on iPhone and iPad.